what being a sub does to your head
Submissive people are mainly characterized by having low cocky-esteem and, therefore, present significant issues when it comes to relating healthily and maturely. This can be seen in their behavior and their mood, although in general terms their beliefs tends to be characterized by self-surrender and their mood tends to be negative.
Some people are submissive in a very generalized way. Yet, others tin can be perfectly mature people in some aspects of their lives and completely submissive in others, they tin can fifty-fifty behave in a very disciplinarian style in some relationships and in a very submissive way in others.
Given its complication, the man being is very contradictory, and then we must carefully determine what we are calling submission, in what area of a particular person's life we meet it, and also have into business relationship whether that person has the same perception as we do or not. Of course, it is important to make information technology articulate that, when we talk nearly submissive people in this article and their personality characteristics, we are not referring to those people who, in a responsible, believing and agreed way (that is, very fiddling submissive in the sense nosotros have divers at the first) assume submissive roles in their sexual life as a way to become pleasure.
How nosotros become submissive people
Submission is a behavioral pattern -and also a communicative or relationship style- that has its source in a lack of self-esteem and, therefore, is a lack of assertiveness.
No person has 100% healthy self-esteem, then no one is perfectly confident in every attribute and situation of their life. Therefore, we all are submissive to someone at some point because, for diverse reasons, we are unable to withstand pressure level and defend our needs or points of view perfectly. The trouble arises when someone is submissive in many areas of their life or is e'er submissive in some specific area (for example in their relationships with their partner/friend, or with their family, or at work, etc.).
A person with healthy self-esteem is someone who -in general- feels good virtually themselves without the need to denigrate others and is confident in their power to be accepted by others. That is why they tend to relate assertively: they defend and express their tastes, opinions, and needs firmly but respectfully, without bullying others or beingness a toxic person, thus fostering healthy and balanced relationships.
When a person does not take good for you self-esteem, it is more difficult for them to collaborate in this manner. Sometimes it's because they consider others to be a threat confronting which they must defend themselves, fifty-fifty preventively. Other times it's because they don't value themselves positively and remember that their needs, their points of view, or their rights are not important and don't accept to be taken into business relationship and, to not exist excluded, it is better to give priority to others. Then they become submissive people.
Those who see threats everywhere and defend themselves by attacking are authoritarian people: they impose their position on others. Those who give in, keep serenity, and systematically put others first because they believe that they are non important, are submissive people.
Both styles take consequences on people's well-being. When someone does not give importance to their needs and points of view, information technology is difficult for them to develop and satisfy them, and this can end up leading to toxic relationships and risky behaviors acquired by not valuing their well-being or integrity as they deserve.
Moreover, the more submissively we conduct, the more nosotros reinforce a vital state of helplessness and hopelessness, as well equally of depression cocky-worth: every time we give in unnecessarily, we reinforce inside ourselves the idea that we are not of import, that we should not be respected, or that others are inconsiderate and selfish people who eat up all our space. Therefore, the person's mood is afflicted.
How to gear up the submission that harms us
Beyond punctual or unavoidable submissions, we mustn't settle into this way of functioning in a generalized manner, especially if the submission nosotros show is very extreme.
No one has perfect self-esteem, nosotros must bear in listen that we tin can be people who value ourselves negatively in some areas of our lives and still have normal and fifty-fifty satisfactory lives. This is possible every bit long as we value ourselves positively in other facets that residual out.
Even so, when our self-esteem makes u.s. unable to relate properly as adults then nosotros must try to correct this, if possible with the help of a psychologist who can accompany us through therapy. This way we can detect which areas of our cocky-esteem are most damaged and why railroad train basic social skills that allow our needs and rights to be taken into account, and learn appropriate models of relationships to know which compromises are reasonable and unavoidable so that relationships flow and we do not confuse them with a permanent pattern of submission to others.
Means to strengthen a submissive person'south self-esteem
1. Develop their level of sensation and judgment
Help discover what they recall feel, need, and like if they are not very clear nigh it. It is often easier to imitate what the other does and so as not to think or not to have to decide what to want or not to face the responsibility of doing it. If this becomes as well intense, the submissive person does not know what they recall or what they want, so they must railroad train it.
2. Requite them infinite to express themselves
Practise non overwhelm. Take an interest in them. Ask them what they think about things and what they feel like doing, listen to them, support them, reinforce those positions in which nosotros agree with them so that they know that what happens to them or what they desire has a value and that sometimes it's an experience shared with us.
three. Help them differentiate disagreement from hostility
To bear witness them that they may disagree with us but that this does not influence our affection for them. At the root of submission is the fear of not being accepted if I show myself as I am or if I disagree with what someone wants. The submissive person needs to reinforce a sufficient feel of unconditionality in affections.
4. Give examples of not-submissive behavior
Offer them assertiveness models that broaden their social and communicative skills. This is washed when nosotros educate children and adolescents and teach them how to go shopping, how to ask for things, how to apologize, how to carry out management, etc. Nosotros can also adapt this to an adult, without infantilizing them, but at as bones a level as necessary. Information technology is a thing of giving them tools that complement the essential background work that must be done at a psychological level.
five. Find a adept therapist
Suggest, if we have plenty trust with that person and if we notice that their beliefs design negatively affects their well-being in a significant manner, that it might be interesting to talk about it with a psychologist who tin can assist you see what is happening, why, and how to start amending it step by step. A convenient, inexpensive and completely professional possibility is to have online therapy through ifeel's platform, where you can have an informative session completely free of charge before existence assigned to the near suitable psychologist for your instance.
Source: https://ifeelonline.com/en/ifeel-therapies/submissive-people-5-tips-to-help-them-shine/
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